Your Bomb, Your Problem

Now that the elections are over, most of the ministers seem to be missing from action, comfortably ensconced in their private ivory towers, miles away from the hot and humid wet market where they were last spotted during the month of May. All the postulating about listening to the people doing a better job addressing their needs have vanished like the morning mist.

Our sentiments exactly,  Mr Yap

Mr Yap, 64, assistant manager of LHT Holdings who was building a new warehouse, discovered he had a bomb shell on his hands, literally. When workers tried to sell off what they thought to be scrap metal, the hardware dealer noticed the bronze tip was similar to the bullets he handled during national service (that's one reason why saving lives of babies can never be equal to undergoing NS training). It was a war relic, probably dating from the days of Syonan-to, when our future PM was doing translation work for the Japanese occupying forces, and endangering the lives of countless freedom fighters.

Surprise number two was when Yap called the police for help. The latter showed up and did the easy part, cordoning off the area, and covering the explosive with a red canvas sheet marked "dangerous". That's it. A flabbergasted LHT director told the press, "The police say this is private property, so we have to get a private bomb disposal company to do it, and they won't send in their own squad." The fact that the land was leased from statutory board JTC Corporation, and therefore not private property, cut no ice with the police. LHT even had to pay $600 for two Certis Cisco officers to guard the bomb overnight. The boys in blue probably wandered off to the nearest Starbucks to hassle black shirted netizens discussing politics over lattes.

At wit's end, Yap telephoned DPM and Home Affairs Mininster Teo Chee Hean's office. That's the same Teo who said "Singapore needs to maintain heightened security", now that Bashir has been sentenced. Teo never returned the call to Yap. Instead, he must have dialled up the Defence Minister (his former portfolio before the cabinet reshuffle), as Yap soon received a call from the SAF's bomb disposal unit.

Png of Explomo Technical Service said it would cost about $15,000 to cart away a bomb, hire a barge to transport it offshore to Pulau Senang and engaging security escorts to detonate it there. It must sound so expensive to the police, compared to spending $846 (GST inclusive) for the Temasek Sword presented to Shanmugam, a gift which should come in handy for the next round of promotions. "We always advise people not to touch the war relic," said Png, "Don't move it. Just call the police first." Er, was that the Singapore Police Force he meant?