Grandma Deserves Better

You knew Home Affairs Minister Wong Kan Seng was in serious deficit of thinking matter when he said, in response to queries about Mas Selamat 's whereabouts, latter was either in Singapore, or not in Singapore. Demonstrating similar dereliction of duty in disseminating useful public information, Acting Minister for Information and the Arts Lui Tuck Yew was quoted as saying. "And if you ask if not now, then when, or if ever - I don't know." What the fish do you know, Mr Minister?

Lui was presenting his stand that the country is not ready to lift the restriction on dialects, and his dubious claim that allowing full content in dialects could "hypothetically impact the standard of Mandarin by 20 percent". His other hypothesis is that "It is already difficult enough to learn English and Mandarin, I think it would be quite challenging to learn a third language."

We don't know when Lui last had a conversation with his parents. If he did, he would have been enlightened that dialects are as natural to the young as fish is to water. For generations, grandma have been teaching kids to finish the food in their bowl, and to be respectful to their elders through culturally rich anecdotes like not pointing your finger at the moon. Mandarin not required. And grandma does a better job at holistic education than those MOE bucreaucrats who coerce school kids to attend YOG events. Or fly in native English speakers, complete with wife, kids and the family dog, because they have no confidence in our own language teachers.

Dialect programming on free-to-air-television is meant for the enjoyment of the silver haired generation who are now unable to engage in conversation with their grandchildren, thanks to the alienation brought about by the Mandarin language. It's supposed to be a small token of appreciation for our senior citizens who dutifully  procreated and worked hard to make the present generation possible. So are we to wait till they are gone before the Hong Kong Cantonese and Taiwan Hokkien programming get to be aired? The only appropriate response to Lui for this disrespect is, boh tua boh suay.

Curiouser And Curiouser!

Nobody probably batted an eyelid when they saw  the Deputy Director of Singapore Land Authority (SLA) driving around town in his Mercedes E200 ($140,000) or E350 Coupe ($300,000).  And so what if he traded in a white Lamborghini Gallardo for a grey Murcielago ($1.55 million), it's just a change of colours.  After all, it's common knowledge that Singapore's civil servants are well paid. Very well paid. His name only popped up in somebody's radarscope when he crashed his Ferrari along Nicoll Highway on 19 December last year. What a waste of a fine piece of engineering. The curious part about Koh, 40, is that he skimped off $11.8 from fictitious payments for IT maintenance goods and services. If SLA spends that much on IT maintenance, they must have an astronomical budget for IT capital purchases. No wonder the YOG committee didn't think twice before shelling out $97 million for time keeping hardware.

But the curious story about YOG is that they gave out 400 free passes for the F1 races, purportedly "to thank volunteers for helping out at the games". In a statement, Vivian Balakrishnan's Ministry of Communications, Youth and Sports said it was offered 1,200 complimentary F1 tickets to give to the deserving volunteers. So what happened to the missing 800 tickets? Each of those tickets for the Marina Bay grandstand cost at least $298. That's $238,400 missing right there. And that's not all. Of those "lucky" volunteers who were given tickets, many received them after the event was over. Now that's a new twist to the term "Indian giver". Volunteer Goh expressed his incredulity thus, "The most ridiculous thing was that the envelope was stamped Sep 24, when the ticket was for Saturday, Sep 25." The irony was not missed that the Ministry of Communications was handling the delivery.

So while the Minister Mentor traverses the globe, telling people how to run their countries, much is amiss at home. The other curious bit is how he prefers to spend his 87 birthday abroad in the company of foreigners, instead of being close to his own family members. After all, he does have a bed-ridden spouse, one brother dying of diverticulitis and a third brother diagnosed with prostate cancer that has spread into the lymph nodes.

Selamat Datang Ke Singapura

Malaysia is on a roll. For housing and feeding Mas Selamat since 1 April 2009, she is well compensated for "the longstanding close co-operation between the Malaysian and Singapore security agencies". Never mind that, throughout the long sojourn, MHA representatives never got to meet with the escaped terrorist. It is only now, after a multi-billion dollar handshake, that Minister for Home Affairs Wong Kan Seng can cautiously state "when the information he gives can be verified, and we can conclusively say that is how he escaped". In other words, Mas Selamat could have easily taken one of those Duck Tours, which operates amphibious military surplus DUKWs capable of crossing land and water. The rubber dinghy story offered by him earlier is so lame.

Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong's parsimonious one word "No" answer to the obvious query about the link between the perceived payola and the long overdue prisoner extradition speaks volumes. The story really started with Singtel overpaying English Premier League (EPL) for the exclusive broadcast rights, which they are still struggling to deliver with the flaky mioTV platform. Then FIFA heard about the Singapore decision makers who throw money to the wind like it was going out of style, and joined the feeding frenzy with outrageous World Cup demands. But even they could not imagine a Minister who would exceed a budget 3 times over, and still look himself in the mirror and smile.

No wonder Bernie Ecclestone is saying he wants the Singapore Grand Prix to be staged for the next 20 years. Factoid: He''s the only one guaranteed to make a killing from the F1 races. According to Time Magazine ("Turbulent Times Of Formula One", 15 March 2010), Ecclestone alone makes the big TV, sponsorship and track deals that keep F1's cash gushing. Ecclestone was also quoted praising the governance style of Adolf Hitler, saying the German leader "could command a lot of people" and was "able to get things done". You can see why the guy simply loves Singapore. A nervous Minister of Trade and Industry S. Iswaran, who inked the 5 year deal running out in 2012, quickly clarified that it is too early to talk about an extension. The decision to proceed "will rest on a robust cost-benefit analysis," especially when the report card for the inaugural event of 2008 has yet to be publicly released. Unlike his thick skinned colleague, Iswaran does not have a miscellaneous accounting entry called "other costs" to fool around with.

Where The Money Really Went

Milan Fischer from Canada, 68, must have been one of the oldest YOG volunteers in the Olympic Village (the "Y" is for youth). Dictionary.com defines a volunteer as "a person who does some act or enters into a transaction without being under any legal obligation to do so and without being promised any remuneration for his services". Taken to the medical room for a leg cramp on 20 August, Fischer was rushed to National University Hospital for first class treament (no queuing, no bed shortage). After a 4-hour open-heart treatment for an aortic dissection on 31 August, he remained in hospital until last Friday 17 September. He and wife Beata will be staying on at the Fairmount Singapore until next month. A coronary artery bypass in Singapore costs $13,000 minimum. Add various scans, surgical fees, anaesthesia, etc, and the tab easily totals up to $50,000 or more. We are told all medical expenses and lodgings for the long stay will be paid for by the Singapore Youth Olympic Games Organising Committee. It will probably be buried in "Other Costs". But who authorised the expenditures? Can't be Ng Ser Miang, he's just a businessman always on the lookout for a profit opportunity.

The number may be peanuts to the elitist crowd, but it was Minister Lim Hng Kiang who, regretting the decision to save a baby's life, once said "...I regret making the decision because, in the end, the baby continued to be in intensive care, and KKH now runs up a total bill of more than $300,000..."

Meanwhile, other YOG volunteers found they were issued a counterfeit certificate of appreciation. Except for the optically challenged, anyone could see the signatures bear no resemblance to the scratchings of Jacques Rogge (President IOC) or Ng Ser Miang (President SYOGOC). Singaporeans face imprisonment for such criminal offence, putting someone's John Hancock on the dotted line. The official excuse offered is that "sample signatures" were sent to the printers, without disclosing by who, or how the handwriting was provided.

Getting Youth To Believe

It was a cynical George Bernard Shaw who once said, "Dancing is a vertical expression of a horizontal desire." Thanks to modern human ingenuity, one can skip the supine position to accomplish similar amorous intent, as best illustrated in the library scene of "The Atonement". The alcove of literary resources is not only a refuge for heavy reading, but also of heavy breathing.

Young couples looking to government resources for guidance in matrimonial issues, were surprised to read that their plans for "Getting youth to believe in marriage, family as part of success" turn out to be building an underground tunnel linking Malaysia and Singapore. How did the Ministry of Transport end up being involved in the promotion of matters of the heart, marriage (to qualify for a HDB flat) and procreation (improve birth rate to stem the tide of immigration)?

Perhaps they were planning a tunnel of love, complete with floating ERP gantries. Imaginative NS boys are saying that they will probably be more like the tunnels discovered at the South Korean end of the DMZ, large enough for one regiment to pass through in one hour. Maybe even larger, for 55 tonne 2A4 Leopard tanks too heavy to rumble across overhead bridges, S-shaped or straight thoroughfares. Whatever the rationale of the scholar planners, it's not exactly the accouterment of choice that Cupid could work with.

The hurdles for today's youngsters contemplating a new home are staggering. Some say guys maintain that the COE must come first, before the down payment for an affordable HDB flat, if they can find one. With the coming of the baby, there's the worry of pre-school expenditure, as kindergartens cost more than primary or secondary school fees. Latter may range from $28 per month (inclusive miscellaneous fees) to the $400 charged by independent junior colleges. And with limited places in the local universities taken up by outsiders, parents may have to resort to downgrading their pigeon holes to pay for the overseas degree. In the light of all these financial considerations, maybe a Singapore variant of the prenuptial agreement should be drawn up, with an addendum to to ensure that doting parents don't end up destitute and dumped by their offspring in a nursing home in Johore or Batam. Surely those bureaucratic pen pushers can handle the paperwork.